


Pride

by MonPetitTresor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Communication, Gender Identity, Insecure Magnus Bane, Like Adults, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Protective Alec Lightwood, Short, The boys talk, always communicate, gender queer, is important, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24245254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: Magnus tells Alec something important, and yet again, finds himself surprised by his Shadowhunter
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 309





	Pride

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ToTheStarsWriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTheStarsWriting/gifts).



When Magnus first explained it to him, his words lacked all the usual flair and confidence Alec was so used to seeing in him. He was somber in a way that Alec just wasn’t used to seeing him during the two weeks that they’d officially been dating. Magnus always seemed so composed. Put together. Like there was nothing in the world that could get to him.

This was Alec’s first glimpse behind that mask as the two sat across from one another at a small table in a cozy little bakery eating muffins, and Magnus asked him “I know Shadowhunter culture isn’t exactly big into the whole queer scene, but… what do you know about gender identity?”

The question threw Alec for a loop. He definitely hadn’t been expecting it. But there was a lot about Magnus that still managed to do that to him. Alec was getting better about rolling with it. It only took him a moment to get past his surprise, and then another moment to find the words to answer. “Um… a little? Izzy and I…” A slight flush touched Alec’s cheeks. He dropped his gaze down and away; it made it easier sometimes to say things if he wasn’t looking at the person he was talking to. At the same time, he shrugged his shoulder to try and make the words seem a bit _less_ than they were. “We went online and checked out a few links after the, uh, the wedding. Just to kind of…see.”

If Magnus was surprised by that, he didn’t show it. When Alec snuck a look up at him he found that Magnus’ expression had softened a little, just a small hint of a smile living around his eyes. “I’m glad.” Then that softness faded for that small glimpse of vulnerability again, making Alec fully look up again. “I try to have this conversation rather quickly in most relationships or friendships I partake in. That way, I can save myself and the other person a bit of trouble if it’s… too much for them to handle.”

Alec didn’t speak, didn’t want to interrupt what was clearly so important. Not only that, but he wasn’t sure what he would even say. So he settled for sitting there quietly and allowing Magnus the time to gather his words.

For all that Magnus liked to say that Alec was brave, Alec knew he didn’t hold a candle to this man and his braveness. Magnus lifted his head, chin up ever so slightly like he was preparing to take a blow, and his eyes met Alec’s head on. “I identify as something called _gender fluid_. What that means for me is that, though my body is physically male, there are some days, some moments, where I feel more female, or completely gender neutral.”

 _Oh._ Alec blinked a few times, still not quite sure what to say. The words kind of took a moment to sink in, and even then, he wasn’t quite sure that he got them. The idea seemed so foreign to him. Magnus felt like he was a girl some days? Or… neither one? How did that even work?

He remembered reading just a line or two about that when he and Isabelle had done their research together. It hadn’t made sense then, and he wasn’t sure it made sense now. The urge to ask questions rose up in him, only to get squished down. This was clearly extremely important to Magnus, and something that it sounded like he’d had bad luck sharing in the past. The last thing Alec wanted to do was ask a question that was rude or stupid or might hurt him somehow.

Almost as if he could read Alec’s mind, something that Alec swore happened way too often for comfort between them – was he really just that transparent?? – Magnus let out a small huff that wasn’t quite a laugh. “You can ask questions, Alexander. Considering the society you grew up in, I don’t expect you to immediately understand what this means.”

“I’m… not really sure what to say,” Alec admitted in a slow voice.

He missed the look that flashed over Magnus’ face, but he clearly caught the nervous, on-edge tone to his next words. “Does it bother you?”

Almost as soon as the words were said, Alec was shaking his head. “No!” He flushed when he realized how loud that had come out. Ducking his head a little, Alec drew himself in, hands coming up to wrap around his coffee mug. The warmth of the cup helped to steady him just a little. When he spoke again, his voice was at a more reasonable level. “No, it doesn’t bother me. I mean… you’re still _you_. Right?”

This time it was Magnus who took a moment to just blink a few times. Then his expression melted into one of such _fondness_ it made Alec’s stomach churn in that awkward-pleasant way he thought he could grow used to. “Yes, I’m still me. This doesn’t change how I dress, how I act, or anything else like that. The only change is that, some days I prefer the use of different pronouns.”

“Okay?” That didn’t sound like a bad thing. Alec still didn’t understand it, but if this was what Magnus wanted, what made him happy, it was the least Alec could do. Though, how was he supposed to know what to use and when? “How will I know that, um that you…”

Magnus’ expression warmed even more. His eyes were crinkling now, and his cheeks had that hint of dimple that he insisted didn’t exist. “Want a different pronoun?” he finished. At Alec’s nod, he chuckled. “Unless I tell you otherwise, you’re safe in assuming he/him pronouns. I’ll correct you if needed, or let you know in advance.”

Okay, Alec could do that. He could definitely do that. If that was all it took to make Magnus happy, that was nothing. It was so easy, and so very worth keeping Magnus in his life. Though Alec mentally vowed to go do a little more research that night once he was home just to try and understand this a little more. Right now wasn’t the time for questions like that. In all the research he’d done before involving coming out – and this sort of counted like that, right? – the websites had stressed that it wasn’t the time to necessarily ask questions. It was a time to listen and accept.

“Okay,” Alec said again, more sure this time. “I can do that.”

He was rewarded with a bright, easy smile without that tight, worried edge to it that had been there moments ago and that, more than anything else, made the whole conversation worth it. Alec still didn’t entirely understand this whole thing. But he got to keep Magnus in his life, got to continue to see those bright smiles that felt like they were reserved just for him, and that was all Alec wanted.


End file.
